Diet Day # 1

today went far better than expected!

i managed to consume only 130 calories by 7pm.

then i had some whole wheat pasta ( only a little )

i had planned on going to the gym. but the lines were so long

( it was crazy busy ! )

so i decided to just do a quick work out at home.

hey, i'm easing into it all!

i did manage to run while my friend and i ran to the athletics office to sign up for fitness class. we then had to run up 5 flights of stairs to get back to our office... we were out of breath, to say the least! haha

gym tomorrow for sure!

total calorie intake today:

130 + 250 = 380 cals.

not bad for the first day.

i'm happy at this moment.

happy that i was able to do it without feeling the need to binge.

my room mate and i went grocery shopping earlier, and for every "bad" food that i said i wanted to buy, i bought a "good" food.

the hardest was the chocolate isle. since i felt i wanted some, i went and got raspberries instead. it's a healthy alternative, so that at least if i binge i wont be bingeing on junk (that word looks funny, but that is spell checkers doing!)

so i ended up with a cart of healthy food - which i may or may not eat. but i cant just quit cold turkey, if i do i will get massive cravings.

that is all for now.

happy..

for now.

stay strongg xx

01 // 10 // 10 * I'M BAAAAACK!

ALRIGHT!

so i have pretty much been MIA for the past four months..

school got REALLY busy and i didnt have time for anything

...anything other than counting calories and working out.. as i am sure most of you were able to guess!

my weight got fairly low about mid october - i was down to about 105 and was LOVING itt! i was working out about 3 hours a day and eating less than 250 calories a day.

i was doing so well.. well, in terms of thin-ness. mentally and emotionally i was a wreck. but that was just the beginning..

at the start of november i lost my grandfather. about two weeks later a close friend committed suicide. december 5th was the 3rd anniversary of my very best friends death. i met him in treatment. he was an SI-er - one night it went to far. i miss him so much. EVERY DAY! i loved that we understood how "crazy" each other was. i loved how we understood each others addictions, and never forced each other to "get fixed" - we were supportive of each other. i loved him with all my heart, and i still do. i miss him every day.

im not really a huge "causes" supporter. BUT i do support "to write love on her arms." i love what they stand for.. supporting SI-ers, those with depression and addictions. so i write "love" on my arm whenever a friend or someone i know has committed suicide..

just a little side note there.

SO my weight is back up to 123. it's effing DISGUSTING!

i havent been able to purge (by throwing up) since i was at home for the holidays... i didnt want my parents to suspect anything.

MY DIET STARTS TOMORROW!

i am having one last binge tonight.. only because i moved back to my house without my parents.. and ill be able to puke it all out. WOOOT!

so here i am. starting my new journey.

ill update every day with consumed calories and daily thoughts.

i will update my weight every two or three days.

im going to say that ill do a "big" blog every weekend.

but we will see how it goes.

BACK TO THIN, PLEASEE!

stay strong lovellies xx