Diet Day # 2 && 3

yesterday was a good day. i ate a lot (in comparison to what im used to) - but it was all healthy stuff.. so not too too many calories.

peanut butter sandwich (great for energy!)

250cals.

Nutrigrain Bar

130 cals.

Raspberries

40 cals.

Raisins!

60 cals.

It seems like a lot - but i didnt feel hungry - i spread out the bit of food for the whole day.

it was greatt!

PLUS i started working out again :)

it takes a lot to get motivated to actually do it, but it feels so good!-especially after!

today!

i had a PB sandwich (again!)

250 cals.

diff flavour nurtigrain

130 cals.

2 fruit to go's

2 x 40 = 80 cals.

another great day!

minus im craving chocolate..

those cravings are INTENSE! unfortunately - they dont go away if ignored. they last until i eat chocolate, even if it is days later!

plus i start my period soon. so i guess i should obey my body a little bit.

i put it through hell. day in and day out.

what with the diet pills and diuretics..

plus the purging. which i havent done since sunday night.

good start to the diet. im okay with the progress.

still not weighing myself. i dont know if i can bare to see the number..

think thin!

Diet Day # 1

today went far better than expected!

i managed to consume only 130 calories by 7pm.

then i had some whole wheat pasta ( only a little )

i had planned on going to the gym. but the lines were so long

( it was crazy busy ! )

so i decided to just do a quick work out at home.

hey, i'm easing into it all!

i did manage to run while my friend and i ran to the athletics office to sign up for fitness class. we then had to run up 5 flights of stairs to get back to our office... we were out of breath, to say the least! haha

gym tomorrow for sure!

total calorie intake today:

130 + 250 = 380 cals.

not bad for the first day.

i'm happy at this moment.

happy that i was able to do it without feeling the need to binge.

my room mate and i went grocery shopping earlier, and for every "bad" food that i said i wanted to buy, i bought a "good" food.

the hardest was the chocolate isle. since i felt i wanted some, i went and got raspberries instead. it's a healthy alternative, so that at least if i binge i wont be bingeing on junk (that word looks funny, but that is spell checkers doing!)

so i ended up with a cart of healthy food - which i may or may not eat. but i cant just quit cold turkey, if i do i will get massive cravings.

that is all for now.

happy..

for now.

stay strongg xx

01 // 10 // 10 * I'M BAAAAACK!

ALRIGHT!

so i have pretty much been MIA for the past four months..

school got REALLY busy and i didnt have time for anything

...anything other than counting calories and working out.. as i am sure most of you were able to guess!

my weight got fairly low about mid october - i was down to about 105 and was LOVING itt! i was working out about 3 hours a day and eating less than 250 calories a day.

i was doing so well.. well, in terms of thin-ness. mentally and emotionally i was a wreck. but that was just the beginning..

at the start of november i lost my grandfather. about two weeks later a close friend committed suicide. december 5th was the 3rd anniversary of my very best friends death. i met him in treatment. he was an SI-er - one night it went to far. i miss him so much. EVERY DAY! i loved that we understood how "crazy" each other was. i loved how we understood each others addictions, and never forced each other to "get fixed" - we were supportive of each other. i loved him with all my heart, and i still do. i miss him every day.

im not really a huge "causes" supporter. BUT i do support "to write love on her arms." i love what they stand for.. supporting SI-ers, those with depression and addictions. so i write "love" on my arm whenever a friend or someone i know has committed suicide..

just a little side note there.

SO my weight is back up to 123. it's effing DISGUSTING!

i havent been able to purge (by throwing up) since i was at home for the holidays... i didnt want my parents to suspect anything.

MY DIET STARTS TOMORROW!

i am having one last binge tonight.. only because i moved back to my house without my parents.. and ill be able to puke it all out. WOOOT!

so here i am. starting my new journey.

ill update every day with consumed calories and daily thoughts.

i will update my weight every two or three days.

im going to say that ill do a "big" blog every weekend.

but we will see how it goes.

BACK TO THIN, PLEASEE!

stay strong lovellies xx