Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Diet Day # 2 && 3

yesterday was a good day. i ate a lot (in comparison to what im used to) - but it was all healthy stuff.. so not too too many calories.

peanut butter sandwich (great for energy!)
Nutrigrain Bar
130 cals.
40 cals.
60 cals.

It seems like a lot - but i didnt feel hungry - i spread out the bit of food for the whole day.
it was greatt!

PLUS i started working out again :)
it takes a lot to get motivated to actually do it, but it feels so good!-especially after!

i had a PB sandwich (again!)
250 cals.
diff flavour nurtigrain
130 cals.
2 fruit to go's
2 x 40 = 80 cals.

another great day!
minus im craving chocolate..
those cravings are INTENSE! unfortunately - they dont go away if ignored. they last until i eat chocolate, even if it is days later!

plus i start my period soon. so i guess i should obey my body a little bit.

i put it through hell. day in and day out.
what with the diet pills and diuretics..
plus the purging. which i havent done since sunday night.

good start to the diet. im okay with the progress.
still not weighing myself. i dont know if i can bare to see the number..

think thin!

Monday, January 11, 2010

Diet Day # 1

today went far better than expected!

i managed to consume only 130 calories by 7pm.
then i had some whole wheat pasta ( only a little )

i had planned on going to the gym. but the lines were so long
( it was crazy busy ! )

so i decided to just do a quick work out at home.

hey, i'm easing into it all!

i did manage to run while my friend and i ran to the athletics office to sign up for fitness class. we then had to run up 5 flights of stairs to get back to our office... we were out of breath, to say the least! haha

gym tomorrow for sure!

total calorie intake today:
130 + 250 = 380 cals.

not bad for the first day.
i'm happy at this moment.
happy that i was able to do it without feeling the need to binge.
my room mate and i went grocery shopping earlier, and for every "bad" food that i said i wanted to buy, i bought a "good" food.
the hardest was the chocolate isle. since i felt i wanted some, i went and got raspberries instead. it's a healthy alternative, so that at least if i binge i wont be bingeing on junk (that word looks funny, but that is spell checkers doing!)
so i ended up with a cart of healthy food - which i may or may not eat. but i cant just quit cold turkey, if i do i will get massive cravings.

that is all for now.

for now.

stay strongg xx

Sunday, January 10, 2010

01 // 10 // 10 * I'M BAAAAACK!

so i have pretty much been MIA for the past four months..
school got REALLY busy and i didnt have time for anything
...anything other than counting calories and working out.. as i am sure most of you were able to guess!

my weight got fairly low about mid october - i was down to about 105 and was LOVING itt! i was working out about 3 hours a day and eating less than 250 calories a day.

i was doing so well.. well, in terms of thin-ness. mentally and emotionally i was a wreck. but that was just the beginning..

at the start of november i lost my grandfather. about two weeks later a close friend committed suicide. december 5th was the 3rd anniversary of my very best friends death. i met him in treatment. he was an SI-er - one night it went to far. i miss him so much. EVERY DAY! i loved that we understood how "crazy" each other was. i loved how we understood each others addictions, and never forced each other to "get fixed" - we were supportive of each other. i loved him with all my heart, and i still do. i miss him every day.

im not really a huge "causes" supporter. BUT i do support "to write love on her arms." i love what they stand for.. supporting SI-ers, those with depression and addictions. so i write "love" on my arm whenever a friend or someone i know has committed suicide..

just a little side note there.

SO my weight is back up to 123. it's effing DISGUSTING!

i havent been able to purge (by throwing up) since i was at home for the holidays... i didnt want my parents to suspect anything.


i am having one last binge tonight.. only because i moved back to my house without my parents.. and ill be able to puke it all out. WOOOT!

so here i am. starting my new journey.
ill update every day with consumed calories and daily thoughts.
i will update my weight every two or three days.
im going to say that ill do a "big" blog every weekend.

but we will see how it goes.


stay strong lovellies xx