Sunday, January 10, 2010

01 // 10 // 10 * I'M BAAAAACK!

so i have pretty much been MIA for the past four months..
school got REALLY busy and i didnt have time for anything
...anything other than counting calories and working out.. as i am sure most of you were able to guess!

my weight got fairly low about mid october - i was down to about 105 and was LOVING itt! i was working out about 3 hours a day and eating less than 250 calories a day.

i was doing so well.. well, in terms of thin-ness. mentally and emotionally i was a wreck. but that was just the beginning..

at the start of november i lost my grandfather. about two weeks later a close friend committed suicide. december 5th was the 3rd anniversary of my very best friends death. i met him in treatment. he was an SI-er - one night it went to far. i miss him so much. EVERY DAY! i loved that we understood how "crazy" each other was. i loved how we understood each others addictions, and never forced each other to "get fixed" - we were supportive of each other. i loved him with all my heart, and i still do. i miss him every day.

im not really a huge "causes" supporter. BUT i do support "to write love on her arms." i love what they stand for.. supporting SI-ers, those with depression and addictions. so i write "love" on my arm whenever a friend or someone i know has committed suicide..

just a little side note there.

SO my weight is back up to 123. it's effing DISGUSTING!

i havent been able to purge (by throwing up) since i was at home for the holidays... i didnt want my parents to suspect anything.


i am having one last binge tonight.. only because i moved back to my house without my parents.. and ill be able to puke it all out. WOOOT!

so here i am. starting my new journey.
ill update every day with consumed calories and daily thoughts.
i will update my weight every two or three days.
im going to say that ill do a "big" blog every weekend.

but we will see how it goes.


stay strong lovellies xx

1 comment:

  1. You are already so thin. Instead of being thing, let's focus on being happy and experiencing joy/peace. You know...there are lots of skinny people that are miserable. Controlling our weight should never be the way that we try to control our world or our hurts in life. If we do...we will be thin, but still miserable. By the way, I'm sorry for your recent loss :(