so i have pretty much been MIA for the past four months..
school got REALLY busy and i didnt have time for anything
...anything other than counting calories and working out.. as i am sure most of you were able to guess!
my weight got fairly low about mid october - i was down to about 105 and was LOVING itt! i was working out about 3 hours a day and eating less than 250 calories a day.
i was doing so well.. well, in terms of thin-ness. mentally and emotionally i was a wreck. but that was just the beginning..
at the start of november i lost my grandfather. about two weeks later a close friend committed suicide. december 5th was the 3rd anniversary of my very best friends death. i met him in treatment. he was an SI-er - one night it went to far. i miss him so much. EVERY DAY! i loved that we understood how "crazy" each other was. i loved how we understood each others addictions, and never forced each other to "get fixed" - we were supportive of each other. i loved him with all my heart, and i still do. i miss him every day.
im not really a huge "causes" supporter. BUT i do support "to write love on her arms." i love what they stand for.. supporting SI-ers, those with depression and addictions. so i write "love" on my arm whenever a friend or someone i know has committed suicide..
just a little side note there.
SO my weight is back up to 123. it's effing DISGUSTING!
i havent been able to purge (by throwing up) since i was at home for the holidays... i didnt want my parents to suspect anything.
MY DIET STARTS TOMORROW!
i am having one last binge tonight.. only because i moved back to my house without my parents.. and ill be able to puke it all out. WOOOT!
so here i am. starting my new journey.
ill update every day with consumed calories and daily thoughts.
i will update my weight every two or three days.
im going to say that ill do a "big" blog every weekend.
but we will see how it goes.
BACK TO THIN, PLEASEE!
stay strong lovellies xx