[09.09.09] * GAA.. grrrr.

so i was doing SO WELL!
but my room mates and i went to the mall to buy stuff for our house.
we were gone for like, hours!
and they decided that they wanted to get McDonalds!

OMG

ickk!

mcd's is so so so nastyy.

i hate eating, but i especially hate eating fast food.

when i said that i didnt want anything, they insisted!

they thought that i just didnt want anything because i just spent so much money, so they offered to pay.. i politely declined, saying that i wasnt hungry.

they all know that i used to have an eating disorder.. and dont want me to go back to my old ways..

[ha.]

so they bought me stuff and forced me to eat some!!

i was so angryy!

and when i got home, i couldnt even purge because.. it took us over an hour to get home, and when we got here both bathrooms were in use..

effffffff sakes!

im so not impressed..

but i guess that means i should hide my food scale [i weigh everything that i eat!] in my room so they dont begin to wonder...

well anyways, that was my rant.

i feel disgusting with my body full of food, nasty food.

hopefully tomorrow is better...

THINK THIN!

STAY STRONG!

...avoid room matess :(

[08.30.09] pt2 *

i am moving so soon! i am getting so so so excited :)

i lived in rez last year.. and this year i have a house.

aka. i will have to do all of my own cooking.. which i may or may not {probably not} do a lot of!

My brother and my dad were away all weekend at my brothers baseball tournament.. so my mom decided to teach me how to cook.. so that i know what im doing.

[last time i tried to cook.. a few years ago.. i lit the kitchen on fire...]

so she showed me how to make bacon, sausage, hashbrowns - all for breakfast

and showed me how to make a roast, corn on the cob, mashed potatoes & snow peas/sugar snap peas.

after cooking the meals, and it just being my mom and i, i had to eat some. i didnt even feel bad eating! i enjoyed my meals with her, and we had so much fun, just like we used to back when i was recovered. i didnt eat a whole lot, but enough to show that i actually do eat!

i didnt take laxatives, or purge.. i took my satisfaction in knowing that it is the most i have eaten in weeks, and it was reassuring to know that my parents think i am doing well.

as much as i hate the thought of food sitting in my stomach.. i think that this week will be a week of eating, mainly because i have to cook for the rest of it!

my family has been so good to me, i feel that i owe them this.

i will sacrifice one week of my journey to thin, because as of thursday.. i will be without them forever!

i think i can handle it.. for one week?

shiiiit yaaaa.

i mean, i wont pig out, but i will eat a little bit at meals with them.

and to edit a previous post..

i was scheduled to move tuesday.. but i cant get the moving truck til thursday.. so i will not be moving until then.. will still be living out of boxes though!

i cant wait to get to my new house... i am so so excited!

do you guys think that making my parents happy for my last week here is an ok idea?

i have no troubles fasting, so i can easily reverse this stuff starting thursday...

comment and let me knoww :)