Tuesday, August 18, 2009

[08.18.09] *starting-over*

After breaking things off with my boyfriend of two years not long ago, I am still feeling the emptiness and loneliness that I thought was over. Far from it, apparently.
This was supposed to be the best summer ever, considering it is my last one off. I am returning to University in just a few short weeks, and I will be in school non-stop until I graduate {whenever that may be}.
I was really hoping to spend my summer sitting in the sun, reading poetry and listening to music. Instead, the sun has been MIA, and I have been working from dawn til dusk [if that is even a proper saying!]. I haven't had a chance to see any of my friends from school, since we all work and no one lives near anyone. BUT - I soon get to move in to my new house and reunite with my friends.
Not only has this summer been long and lonely, it has been difficult as I continue to battle against my inner demons. Fighting to get out, my body tells me how fat and gross I am. I constantly work out, count calories, and log my weight. This obsession has taken over; however, irony shows that this battle is my only sense of control.
It really is crazy how stress can change your perception of EVERYTHING!
Only a few weeks left of loneliness, and maybe more weight loss will come - it seems to be my main control.

It feels as though things have not spiraled, but, perhaps the spiral has begun, and I am just too blind to notice?

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